Spring Cleaning.

*Blows the cyber dust off*

Oh, hi there.

Seriously, you are still reading this blog?

Wow.

Okay, so maybe there isn't anyone at all.

Okay. Bye!

*Bounces away*

My Imagination is My Playground

Sometimes I doodle into the dark grey sky with a white chalk.

Drift of to sleep on a snowmobile.

Dance in an empty parking lot.

Have a meal sitting on a flag pole.

Jump on the backseat of my car.

Sing in the Himalayas.

Lead worship with Chris Tomlin.

Have a company I call my own.

Play the guitar wearing a wedding gown.

Talk politics with God and wonder what He thinks.

___________________

BTW, do you know that desserts is stressed when spell backwards?

Remembering Nepal

"...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people."
- Mark Twain

Nepal. The mention of this country makes some people think of the majestic Himalayan mountain range, some of Buddhism pilgrimages and the origin of a big group of migrant workers in Malaysia. No matter how much you can presume Nepal to be, you have to experience Nepal for yourself, especially to see and know God's heart for this beautiful country.

This week last year I was in Nepal for a mission trip. An experience I can never forget- I could almost remember what happened in bits from the day I left home to the day I got home.

The trip was very special because it was my first time boarding a plane.


My first flight ticket.

I remember not being able to sleep before the night before flying, though I forced myself to. Exited to go on the plane, exited to see what Nepal like and excited to see God at work in that nation!


Took this shot while on air. It was early in the morning at about 7:30am and the moon is still visible.

The moment we touched down, I remembered having all my five senses engaged all at once. The air felt cool on my skin, the air smelled different, the buildings looked significantly different as well as the language that I hear every one is speaking- completely foreign.






One of the first ministries the team get to do was some children's ministry at a ladies conference.

The women, young and old worshiped God with much enthusiasm and zeal through the expression of dancing and singing. With hands lifted high, undignified. Something I find very lacking in our churches in urban Malaysia. Sometimes we're so conscious about what others might think about us if we worship with such passion and losing ourselves completely in the Lord. Face problem still remains as a huge issue, unfortunately. But seeing these women, I was really blessed. I wanna be like them.

There was also the slum school ministry. Yes.

Watching Slumdog Millionaire is one thing, experiencing one is another. The team had a real taste of it when we were lead in by local leaders into the slum villages inhabited by migrants from India, hoping to find a living through child labour and by collecting recyclable materials to sell.

And the children, ever so eager to learn, participate and make a connection with us.


Despite their tough living environments, they are happy.

After, there was also ministry at a Bible school. Where students are learning deeper into the word of God, in training to be pastor and church leaders.

Earnestly seeking the Lord.

Lastly, we went on a short holiday.

The place we had our holiday gave us the chance to enjoy the absolutely stunning, breath-taking view of the mountains and lush landscapes.


We caught the sunrise at 7200ft above sea level. Just amazing!





It's amazing when we witness these amazing creations of God, it often makes us feel insignificant. Becuase truly God is really great and we're absolutely nothing! Yet, His love for us is higher than than tallest mountain, deeper then the the deepest sea.

As I remember this week last year I was in Nepal, I will take this week to remember God's work in the nation of Nepal. God bless Nepal.

Passion 2010

In 2008 when Passion World Tour came to Malaysia they promoted Passion 2010. Having been really blessed while the team was in Malaysia, I really wanted to go for Passion 2010. The only problem is- Passion 2010 was going to be held in Atlanta, Georgia.

Obviously I was not able to go. Considering the costs and trouble might leave me filling for bankruptcy by the end of it, y'know. But with the wonders of the Internet, I found the sermons at Passion 2010 uploaded on Vimeo!

So here are some I wanna share with you. They have touched my heart and brought be a new awakening. Hope it does the same to you.

Louie Giglio - Main Session 1 - Passion 2010 from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

Beth Moore - Passion 2010 Main Session Talk from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

Andy Stanley - Passion 2010 Main Session Talk- It is Always a Mistake To Decide What You Do Before You Decide Who You Want To Be from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

John Piper - Passion 2010 Main Session Talk - "Is Jesus An Egomaniac?" from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

Louie Giglio - Main Session Talk 2 - Passion 2010 from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

Francis Chan Talk - Passion 2010 from Jacob Marlowe on Vimeo.

Special thanks to Jacob Marlowe for sharing the videos!

Dreamin' Big

There was a time I wanted to be a press photographer. I wanted go out there, take photos and tell a story. Like how journalists do, but in photographs instead.

I changed my mind along the way, however. Now, I wonder if there is such a profession called a missions photographer. One who goes out to the world to work with mission teams/organizations, takes photos and brings them back to bring an awareness, and even to stir hearts to be actively part of God's great commission.

It really seems great as I have a heart for missions, I love people and I love photography. Also, it was what I told God I would do when I was deciding on getting the DSLR.

Now I am praying. Praying, praying, praying for His direction in this area.

Pray with me, will you?

Owh, SNAP!

If there's one thing you should know about me...



You should know that I love Crocs.

Feast Your Eyes

Since the end of last year, I haven't been very inspired to do any photography. I brought my camera everywhere but I don't seem to want to take it out to shoot anything at all because there's nothing really interesting to shoot and when I shoot with this attitude, my photos will turn out below satisfactory. That will further discourage me.

It's like a writer's block. Except this is the case for photography.

So I spent this off day of mine to edit my photos. Saving the few shots that are worth saving and experiment with new settings. With my vision all blurred and tired by afternoon, I find satisfaction in only a handful of photos.

And so to make this place look more cheery, I shall put them up.

Photos were taken on 28th of Feb 2010.

Sea Urchins are Pretty

I learnt that often humour comes from absolutely random things.

I shall experiment.

Straight-Forward Simplicity

This blog has been very depressing with the picture of the pair of shoes and my sad, sad entries. I think monkeys can cry reading this. I apologize.

Just a random thought. Only recently I realize that I am actually very straight-forward in my thinking. Simple-minded and naive.

I noticed this through conversations I have with my friends who are in the political scene as journalists or directly involved with politicians.

You see, I often take comments and statements as it is. Whether the person may have a different connotation or that he/she insults indirectly, I'll not get it. I don't seem to be able to twist and turn what was said and analyzing it right at the spot. Even if I do, it confuses me or I simply dismisses it.

That's why I often find myself in situations where I am caught unaware and sometimes being manipulated.

I guess that's why I find the working world out there, especially office politics so very confusing, wicked and cunning. Something I am not able to bring myself to face because I am simply too simple.

Another thought that comes with this thought- As Christians, we are in the world and not of the world, are we also to understand and read conversations between the lines and manoeuver our way to success? What does it takes to out-smart such situations?

Is this all part of growing up and growing out of straight-forward simplicity of life?

Not Ought To

Worship practice is at 2pm and I have no songs ready at 12pm.

I am not in the right state of mind to think.

Due to my own negligence, I now drive with an expired road-tax. In fear or any police/JPJ roadblocks.

I want to lose my temper and break things, but that's not right to do and I am not ought to do it.

What I feel like doing doesn't necessary go with what I am ought to do, and at the same time I want to do what I am ought to do, I just don't feel like doing what I am ought to do and go ahead without hesitation to do what I am not ought to do.

And now I really want to do is cry and hide a hole where no one will find me.

Truth Saturday

Sometimes I don't like the way I act.

Coming to the age of 23 this year, I often find myself in situations where my feelings go against my values. As in, I know I am not supposed to act in such a way in a situation but I can't help displaying immaturity (Eeek!). It's almost like another person inside of me whom I don't like.

The funny thing is, I am conscious about what's going on. About the way I act and know that it's not right to act that way while I am acting it. And sometimes, I don't know how to not feel that way.

I admit, sometimes I allow myself to dwell on it. It feels good for a while, and I will regret it like crazy later.

My question is, how do you put on a smiley face when you don't feel like it? How do you face up to people you don't like and act like you're still buddies with them? How to not feel the way you feel and feel the way you should feel?

Is it just me being an ENFP or it's something I am ought to change because I am an ENFP?

Oh God, teach me how to act more and more like Jesus everyday.

Awww

I LOVE ALYSSA KOH. :) :) :)

Growing Up

How do I display maturity in tough situations, when things seem to be unfair, hurtful and heartbreaking?

I am going to turn 23 and I still can't seem to get it right.

Messed Up

I needed to cry.

Jesus, hold me now.

Still

I have to learn to keep my mouth shut.

I'm a Weird Girl.

I think I am, at least.

I'm one of those weird girls who reads the news, gets exited assembling/fixing a computer problem, prefers t-shirts and jeans than to skirts and dresses, talk technical when it comes to photography and desires to travel to third-world countries to learn new cultures and for ministry. I don't club nor mix around in that circle and live a wild, partying life.

Have you met any other girl like me? Well, I haven't.

Some girls have so much confidence in them they can put on whatever they want and look stunning. They don't keep abreast with the happenings in the political arena nor they know how to handle a computer breakdown but they don't care as much. They don't necessarily like photography now knows how to use a camera but they look beautiful in photos.

They change boyfriends like changing clothes, and I wonder why am I still single.

It seems childish to think like that. I admit, it is undeniably childish and I don't know why I am entertaining these thoughts.

I am praying tonight, that I know deep in me that he made me different because there is a reason and a purpose and a call for who I am about. I should accept that in a great way in God and believe for the fruitfulness that comes. Let me be weird, at least I am I rooted in Christ and have my identity anchored and found in Him and Him alone.

Gonna go sleep it off now. Good night.

Only in Malaysia

As a driver, I am very turned-off by the mannerism of some other drivers.
And today, I shall show you some "Malaysian hospitality".


Not parking within the box.


One car occupying 2 lots. Nice


I'm so sorry, I couldn't resist. I am so mad la.

Legacy

My father is my earliest teacher in photography. The first time I ever handled a camera was when I was 9. It was a school event and I told him how much I wanted to use his SLR to shoot like how he always does.

Well, he let me use his SLR alright, just not the one I wanted. He handed me a fully manual Pentax Asahi Spotmatic 1964 and a roll of film.

After a crash course of manual focusing on a prime lens and setting the correct exposure, my first shoot was a complete disaster. But I had fun.

At 11 I requested again to use his camera for a party in school. He had allowed me to use his expensive camera, only this time I damaged it. He did not scold me, instead he showed me the correct ways of handling a camera ever so patiently.

I got my first camera at 12. A very simple Nikon, where everything is automatic. Everytime when dad got the photos I've shot back home from the photo developing shop, he would make me sit down and go through the photos with me. Correcting the way I compose my shots.

"You must always focus on your subject."
"If you want a good picture, go closer."
"Turn the camera up if you want to take photos of people."
"What is all this unwanted empty space?"
"Be careful of back-lighting. Must use flash."
"It is very expensive to develop photos. So make sure every shot is a good shot."

I dread those times sitting at the dinning table with him.

Today I own a Digital SLR with functions that never existed during my dad's time. Dad finds it hard to use my Canon 400D. He gave up and retreated to using a Point-and-Shoot Nikon. As he now occasionally still asks to see the photos I took from every mission trip I went, I'll never forget my dad was the first one who shaped me into composing a good photo.

When asked why dad was into photography, he simply said, "Someone needs to be the one who would take photos of loved ones. Or else when they are gone, the next generation will not remember or know their faces." Dad was referring to my late paternal grandmother. "Your granduncle was the same." He added. My granduncle was a photography-enthusiast in his living days, too.

"Looks like now it's your turn."

It's a good legacy. I think I will want to pass this down to my children in the future. Photoshoots for business and all that... well, that's very secondary to my love for photography. ;)

Finally Feeling It

Reality is sinking in, ruthless and cruel. I've done all I can, but the facts and figures spoke for themselves.

Still I trust in Your unfailing love. You have been good to me.

If I Could Change One Thing in My Past...

Have you ever come across that question?

I gave it a good thought tonight, as I am not able to sleep and the time is 3am. Quiet nights give me a clear head, sometimes.

Is there anything to change? Let's examine my past first.

One of the most significant events in the past happened in Form 4 and 5. The things that happened in that 2 years have really altered a lot of things today.

I was going through a weird time, stuck between being a teenager and wanting to have freedom like an adult would have. Having to face up with the SPM exams while teachers are working very hard to prepare the students, I appeared to be least interested in a class filled with elite students. Always failing my papers and getting myself into a lot of trouble with my parents.

The kind of trouble I was in doesn't just involve my studies. I was at a all-time-low spiritually with God. Got into situations that compromised moral standards and Godly values, I was in the gutter, quite literally.

But God was faithful. He still is. It was that time I cried out to Him. Like, literally CRIED. And He was faithful and gracious. I know He was the only who can save me.

The things that I've gone through that time shaped me to be who I am today, positively. I used to think and say that I stopped "growing up" since 16. Now looking back as a 22-year-old, I was wrong. He made me go through it for a reason, and coming out of it victorious sure marks a milestone and a story to tell of His goodness and faithfulness.

If He hadn't allow all that, I will have NOTHING to glorify God with.

Back to that question- "If you could change one thing in your past, what would it be?"

I'd say confidently,full of conviction. "Nothing."

And He Said, "Go Forth..."

This post is dedicated to Jeremy Khane Duke





The youth cell will be different without you. Take care as you embark on a new life journey in Australia.

God bless you, bro.

My Friends live in My HDD

Since I started this blog I noticed I haven't showed you any photos other than my dirty pair of shoes. So I'm just going to show you a photo of the people I love taken from a recent mission trip to Chiang Mai.



More next time.

Send Me, I Will Go.

...but, WHERE??

Australia?
Cambodia?
CELTA?
TESOL?

...go back to the working world!? (Eeek!!)

Waiting for Him and His White Horse to Come Around

(Not an entirely original title, but I like! LOL)

I was on Facebook this lovely and cool Monday night when I saw an update from my secondary school classmate.

It was a photo album of her pre-wedding photos.

So I clicked on it and saw beautiful photos of her in her beautiful wedding gown and her groom. In various locations, poses. Beautiful and elegant. She looked happy and as beautiful as an angel.

Looking at the photos I can't help but sighed. My friend is a year older then me (she was in remove class). That makes her 24 this year and she's getting married.

Me? I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting....

If I tell you that I'm not afraid of living my life alone and not getting married, I would be lying. There is no need to elaborate, the reasons are obvious- I love companionship. Someone to share life together.

As much as I would love to have that kind of companionship, I'm not going out on random dates and giving my number out to any Tom, Dick and Harry. My friends think I should go actively search for 'him' and hunt 'him' down instead of sitting around and mind my own business.

But I want to believe in God's timing. For him to bring the right person, at the right time. I remember a very interesting analogy of God's timing. It's like a father would not give his 6 month old baby a complicated toy because the child doesn't know to how play with it. Worse, it may pose as a choking hazard to the infant!

Put that in my situation, I'd like to believe that God will only make it happen when I am ready. Like a child too young to handle a complicated toy, He's probably waiting for the time when I'm old enough to fully appreciate the toy. So I guess as I wait for the right timing, I should just continue to concentrate to grow in Him and commit this desire to Him.

So I'll continue waiting. Trusting in God's timing. ;)

I just kinda hope that it'll be sooner la. Cepat sikit, boleh tak? Hehe.

'Saya Anak Malaysia'

The question of leaving this country has never really occured to me. For one who always see traveling as a luxurious and rare experience, the idea is very attractive- experiencing different cultures and ways of life, meeting new people. But to be painfully realistic, my family would not be able to afford such a move.

Reading this article really got me thinking. What is the breaking of point for me to decide that I want to leave Malaysia? With all the political unrest and recent attacks on churches in the nation, some of my Christian friends are talking about leaving before it brews into serious things like persecution. Some of the people I know have already left even.

It's easy to think of reasons to leave. Like the saying goes- the grass is always greener at the other side. Like the author of the article, I'm also turning the question into a positive note- What makes me to stay?

Very simple actually. Like I said, I don't get the luxury of traveling a lot but I've had the experience of walking down the slum areas of Kathmandu and interacted with some villagers of an outskirt of Dumai, Indonesia. Life was hard for them, things and money are difficult to come by. Education is scarce, almost unobtainable. Their government is in a bigger mess.

In those circumstances, I was proud to say 'Saya Anak Malaysia'.

I still see a hope for our country to arise. For leaders to do what is right, and not act on their personal interest. For the people not to make rash decisions. For funds to be channeled properly. I still want to believe greater things have yet to come to this nation. That Malaysia would come out of it victorious, by God's grace.


If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

Simple Pleasures of Life

I enjoy having a nice cup of coffee while I curl on the sofa with a good book.

I enjoy writing into a notebook with a good gel pen.

I love my quiet time with God.

Discussing political issues stimulates my mind.

I enjoy getting to know a person deeper and understand how they truly feel about an issue without having to judge them superficially.

I enjoy having passengers in my car and sing along to a familiar songs while I drive.

I enjoy singing on top of my lungs while driving.

I enjoy good conversations while driving.

Actually. I really enjoy driving. ;)

Stalking people on FB is fun. I often find things that surprises me.

I enjoy laughing to good lame jokes. Not the seriously lame ones, though.

I enjoy telling lame jokes and observe the look on their faces.

I enjoy talking silly things and laughing with my parents and siblings.

I enjoy a long hot shower after a long day at work.

I enjoy knowing and experiencing different cultures.

I enjoy reading random articles on Wikipedia.

I honestly enjoy... my life. My life itself is a proof of God's faithfulness, grace and goodness. :)

Avoid

I'm not making any resolutions this year because 80% of what I've set last year still needs to be fulfilled.

And I feel like crap.