Not Ought To

Worship practice is at 2pm and I have no songs ready at 12pm.

I am not in the right state of mind to think.

Due to my own negligence, I now drive with an expired road-tax. In fear or any police/JPJ roadblocks.

I want to lose my temper and break things, but that's not right to do and I am not ought to do it.

What I feel like doing doesn't necessary go with what I am ought to do, and at the same time I want to do what I am ought to do, I just don't feel like doing what I am ought to do and go ahead without hesitation to do what I am not ought to do.

And now I really want to do is cry and hide a hole where no one will find me.

Truth Saturday

Sometimes I don't like the way I act.

Coming to the age of 23 this year, I often find myself in situations where my feelings go against my values. As in, I know I am not supposed to act in such a way in a situation but I can't help displaying immaturity (Eeek!). It's almost like another person inside of me whom I don't like.

The funny thing is, I am conscious about what's going on. About the way I act and know that it's not right to act that way while I am acting it. And sometimes, I don't know how to not feel that way.

I admit, sometimes I allow myself to dwell on it. It feels good for a while, and I will regret it like crazy later.

My question is, how do you put on a smiley face when you don't feel like it? How do you face up to people you don't like and act like you're still buddies with them? How to not feel the way you feel and feel the way you should feel?

Is it just me being an ENFP or it's something I am ought to change because I am an ENFP?

Oh God, teach me how to act more and more like Jesus everyday.